May

We have been so busy and having so much fun I realized I haven't blogged about our May yet...

Kayzee started off our May with her 1st grade program

 She was chosen to do a speaking part.  She was so nervous but she did awesome!  After the program she started crying and I asked her what was wrong.  She said she didn't want 1st grade to end.  A part of me didn't want it to end either because that means she is growing up.

Had to post some cute pictures of my nephews.  They are growing up so fast and I am missing it!  I am excited to see James next week and hopefully Max in October!

Mother's Day was in May.  This picture of me and my mom was taken last year.  Anyone who knows my mom knows that she is just simply amazing!  She is an amazing mom, friend, daughter, sister, wife, and grandma.  She has been an amazing example to me of faith and love.  I love my mom!!!  She always loves and supports me through the good times and the bad.

This year has been a year with new firsts as a single mom and our new little family of three especially with each holiday.  I was thinking back over the years and I can honestly say that this has been the best Mother's Day I have ever had!!!  I woke up to the two most important people in my life in my arms, these two kids who made me a mom.  My kids spoiled me this weekend.  They cleaned the entire house all by themselves and I didn't even ask them to.  They made me breakfast in bed (pop tarts:).  We had a movie night and sleepover.  And they gave me presents and told me all day how much they love me.  They definitely know how to cheer me up.  These two kiddos of mine are what keep me going every day.  Yes, life has been really hard lately getting a divorce but knowing I have these two precious kids by my side is all that matters.

 Love this sweet boy of mine.  He definitely looks out for me and is always checking to make sure I am ok.  He tells me all day everyday how much he loves me and is the first to give me hugs and kisses.  I am so grateful he came into my life when he did.  So blessed to be his mommy!

I don't know what I would do without this crazy beautiful girl in my life.  She is just the sweetest.  I am excited to grow up with her so we can do girly things together.  Whenever she is not with me she has to have a picture of me and that just melts my heart.  So blessed to be her mommy!

The end of the school year is always exhausting!  One day I got home from school and took a 2 hour nap!  Sad thing was it was only a Monday and it was early out day.

Dance Festival was so good this year!  I loved all the grade level dances and especially the teacher dance!  They did a parody of Greatest Showman.  It was hilarious!

Kayzee danced to the "Best Day" of your life.  Love that my kids go to the school I teach at so I don't miss anything!

 Memphis danced to a mashup to a bunch of superhero songs.  He can sure bust a move!

On Memorial Day I got to spend the day with my kiddos.  We went to a really fun park in Orem.

 Then we headed over to the new children's play place in the University Mall.

 We also had to do some Virtual Reality.

Mrs. Dibb is the best teacher in the world!  She loved my Memphis EVERY day no matter what (even when he started a fire at recess!).  Memphis learned to love reading and was so excited to go to school every day because she made it so fun.  She also understood what it felt like to have parents divorce so she took extra good care of Memphis.  Thanks for a great year Mrs. Dibb, we will miss you!

 Kayzee was so lucky this year she got to have TWO amazing teachers.  Mrs. Clements and Mrs. Astorga are the most kind and loving teachers you will ever meet.  They loved my Kayzee every day and Kayzee loved them right back.  They also loved her a little bit extra and watched over her during the divorce.  Kayzee learned so much and did so well all by herself I know I don't have to worry about her.  Thanks for the best year Mrs. Clements and Mrs. Astorga, we will miss you!

Last day of school YAY!!!  Another school year done!

Look at how much Kayzee has grown this year!

 Memphis!

 I had the best school year and had a lot of fun with my students in PE!

This divorce has broken me.  Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am and what an amazing mom I am.  I am definitely trying and some days I feel like I can take on anything that is thrown at me.  But right now I feel like I don't belong where I am at.  People are treating me different even some people who I thought were my friends.  I just want to move away and start over.  But I also have some amazing good people in my life.  They are my solid ground when I feel like I am falling.  To my closest friends and family I LOVE YOU!  And a special thanks to my next door neighbors.  They are the best people anyone could ask for.  They have helped me the most through all this and I don't know how I will ever repay them.

I am so grateful for my part-time teaching job so I have the summers off.  I am so excited for all the vacations I have planned so I can escape my real life for a little while.  My summer is going to be vacationing, reading, relaxing, playing, swimming, and spending every minute with the two loves of my life-my kids.  My two kids are my whole world and I am so blessed to have them.  They definitely take care of me when I am struggling to take care of myself.

April

April was definitely a roller coaster of emotions.  There were amazing good times and some very sad emotional times.  The first week of April was spring break.  YAY!  No school for a whole week.  And the week was even better because it was Easter on the 1st, my birthday on the 2nd, and my parents came and stayed the week with me and my kids.  I am so grateful for my parents and all they did to help us while they were here.  I couldn't survive without them!  They are so supportive and we can tell they love us and want what's best for us.  LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD!

I have had a rough year and the week before my birthday was just awful dealing with the divorce.  A couple of my friends decided to throw me a surprise party and invite a bunch of friends and neighbors to cheer me up.  I had no idea it was such a big surprise.  Cheered me up.  Great way to start celebrating my birthday.

The day day before Easter the kids and I had a fun day!  We went to Coconut Cove and Discovery Park.  We played for 4 hours!!!  Then we went shoe shopping.  When we got home we cleaned the house for my parents arriving the next day.  Then we dyed and decorated easter eggs.  Such a great day I love spending time with my kids.

 Kayzee drew these cute animals on her eggs...

 Sunday April 1st was Easter.  The Easter Bunny came to our house!

Monday April 2 was my birthday.  My mom took me furniture shopping for my birthday.  Then we decided to go walk around BYU campus with my parents.  Crazy how much it has changed since I went there, and especially since my dad went there!

 Every year for my birthday I always reserve a party room at Brick Oven Pizza and invite family and friends.  We had a fun crowd this year and they made me wear a crown helping me feel ridiculous by singing to me too.  These two ladies have helped me a lot through my crazy life.  I couldn't do it without them.  I also love my next door neighbors.  They were out of town so they couldn't make it but they help me the most with everything.  Thanks Amy, Allison, and Angela!  I love that we all start with A:)  I had to blow out 35 candles this year and I did it in one breath.  I still got it!

 My sister sent this pic of her James at Grandma and Grandpa's house getting the mail but they were at my house.  He is a cutie!

 The weather in April this year was CRAZY!  Lots of hot days followed by a snow day.  Some days we woke up to snow and then by the afternoon it was hot and sunny no snow.  I hate Utah weather.  Hopefully May is better.

 Like I said this month was very emotional and sad dealing with everything that goes into getting a divorce.  One night I cried myself to sleep.  The next morning I woke up to so many texts and emails from so many friends and family.  Even ones that I have not spoken to in a very long time.  God knew I needed comfort and inspired them to reach out to me.  His way of giving me a hug.  Words of encouragement and love.  I know I can get through this even though it's HARD!

 April 20, 2018.  SAD. HARD. DAY.  We officially signed Divorce papers.  I held my kids a little tighter.  I feel very lucky.  I have heard horror stories of other divorces that have been nightmares.  We got through ours uncontested and pretty quickly.  But no matter what it's been hard.  I worry the most about my kids.  They are reacting in very different ways.  But we are learning that we can do HARD things.

 We had some wonderful warm days.  We went and played at a lot of parks.  Can't wait for summer!

 Danny came and got all of his stuff out of the house and garage so he is officially moved out.  One weekend I decided to see if I could fit both of my cars in the garage.  It took me two hours of cleaning and organizing my stuff but I did it!  No more shoveling snow off my cars and scraping icy windows.

 And speaking of getting excited for summer...we decided to create our summer bucket list.  Probably won't get to it all but we are going to have fun spending the summer together and that's all that matters!  I am so grateful that I have a job where I don't have to work during the summer so I can be there for my kids.

Here's to a new life as a family of three...

March

Feels like it went by super fast but also dragged on at the same time.  I just made sure to try and do a lot with my kids.  Except for the weekend I got strep.  That totally threw a wrench in our fun plans.  I haven't had strep since May so that was great but not great that I got it again. Stay away strep!

Weather was weird.  Sunny 60 degree weather one day and then snow the next day.  It couldn't make up it's mind.  It tried to turn into spring so I tried to get some spring cleaning done.  Tried.  On the sunny days we made sure to go outside and play.  Can't wait for summer!

One day Memphis asked if I would go outside and play catch with him.  We had so much fun and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. We tried to play catch with a tiny ball that was hard to see.  It was probably hilarious to watch us try to play catch.

 As we were coming in Memphis told me how much he loves me.  Made my momma heart happy.  I needed that bright spot in my life during the hard times we are going through.  Love my Memphis.

 Memphis' teacher is awesome!  She has been such a life changer for Memphis.  She started reading Fablehaven out loud in class and now Memphis is reading it at home.  Makes my reading heart happy.  And Kayzee has started reading chapter books!  Love my kiddos!

 I was so excited when Jessica told me she was in Utah and wanted to see me.  I just love this girl!  I have known her most of her life and she has a special place in my heart.  We went to Texas Roadhouse for lunch and then went shopping.  I got to see her another weekend too.  Love and miss you Jess!

 My kids got haircuts finally.  They both had really long hair it was getting ridiculous ha ha!  Such cuties.

 Had a really fun night with the kids one weekend.  We started with battling against each other playing wii games...

 Then we had a fruit and veggie snack while we watched Ferdinand...

 And last but not least we had a sleepover.  Even though my bed is a king I still had Memphis basically sleeping on top of me.  Kayzee talks in her sleep and likes to sleep sideways the wrong ways.  Still fun to make memories with these two crazies of mine.

 It was teacher appreciation week one week.  Love my door decoration this year.

 Memphis got a cabbage plant at school and if it grows he earns a pizza party.  We followed the directions on the best way to plant it but there were some below freezing nights and one day of pouring rain and it doesn't look too good.  I am horrible with plants.  I always kill them.  Maybe it survived.  Only time will tell but he has been trying his best to take care of it.

 Love that my kids still like to play at parks...

 We also used some more of our punch pass to FUNTOPIA!  The slide was working this time.  YAY!

 Summerlost by Ally Condie---one of my favorite books I have read so far this year..."I have been in the presence of a lot of greatness.  And people I love who love me back.  It might be the same thing."  Loved it!

In February I met with a few lawyers.  I am filing for divorce and I explained to each of them my situation.  I just wanted my kids and me taken care of so we can survive as a new family of 3.  And I was so overwhelmed with everything we would have to divide up and figure out.  The lawyers told me their ideas and how they would move forward to help me.  In March I ended up picking one that my neighbors used and his kids are in my PE classes.  He is awesome!  Teacher discount ha ha!  The main goal was that me and the kids stay in the house and that I keep my part-time job so that I can be there for the kids since I will have sole custody.  We didn't want anything changing too much for the kids.

It's been HARD!  I have definitely gone through the stages of grief...crying, anger, denial, acceptance, etc.  I worry about my kids and they have had a hard time too.  Kayzee cries a lot and expresses her anger a lot.  But she always makes the best of each situation.  So glad she has so many friends to distract her and cheer her up.  Memphis doesn't really talk about it.  He has been acting out in negative ways at school and has been getting in trouble a lot.  I am trying to get him in to a counselor.  The whole situation just breaks my heart.  But I am so grateful for my kids in my life.  They cheer me up and keep me going every day.  We got this!

February

I have been debating wether to post about our February for awhile.  That's why I am so behind.  Most of February was me crying and me and the kids being really sick.  Who wants to read about that?!?!  But this blog becomes my journal when I turn my blog into a book at the end of each year so here goes February...

Kayzee celebrated the 100th day of school with a dress up party.  Here is what she picked to wear...

Memphis had his wax museum presentation.  He had been working on this project for awhile.  Parents were invited to walk around the classroom and push the red buttons and the students frozen as wax museum figures based on the famous person they chose came to life and shared a little about their famous figure.  It was so fun.  Memphis was Thomas Alva Edison and he did so awesome!

A not so Happy Valentine's Day for us this year.  At the end of January me and Danny decided to separate (that's the crying part mentioned above).  He left January 23rd and it's been a hard adjustment for everyone.  Memphis cheered me up by bringing me home a rose.  So lucky to have this Valentine in my life right now.  Love this sweet boy of mine.

The day before Valentine's day Kayzee got a really high fever and she said her throat hurt really bad.  I thought it was strep so I took her to the doctor.  Nope.  Turns out she had the horrible flu going around.  NOOOOOO.  The doctor said me and Memphis would get it for sure so just plan on being home the next two weeks.  When I heard that I just cried inside.  The kids only ended up missing a week of school each but I missed two.  It's really hard missing school when you are a teacher.  But I am grateful I was able to find subs the whole time and that I didn't get the flu as bad as my kids so I could still take care of them because they were so miserable.  Kayzee missed her class's Valentine's Day party she was so sad.  She kept saying it wasn't fair because she also missed Thanksgiving being sick.  I don't blame her for being so sad.  I love this beautiful girl of mine.

We all snuggled up in my bed for the two weeks.  We didn't get much sleep between the fevers, sore throats, and nasty coughs.

Then the flu got scary.  All 3 of us ended up in the bathroom at 4am because we all couldn't breathe.  The only thing that seemed to help was a very steamy bathroom.  I kept praying that we would get better but we just kept getting worse.  The dr had prescribed Tamiflu and it was supposed to shorten the flu and lessen symptoms if you caught it early enough but apparently it's hard to find in fluid form for kids.  I went to a lot of pharmacies before I found some and it was $60 each!!!

Eventually Kayzee got better which was a relief.  She cried for 4 days straight she was so miserable.  Her throat hurt the worst.  But Memphis only got worse.  One night at 3am he couldn't breathe at all and it scared me so much I rushed him to the emergency room.  The doctor and nurses there said I did the right thing because he was in really bad shape.  As soon as we walked in they could hear him struggling to breathe and rushed him back to a room.  They ran a bunch of tests and took some x-rays.  Gave him some breathing treatments and an IV of fluids and a steroid to open up his airway.  Memphis was so brave and didn't cry at all even when they were putting in the IV.  

So miserable poor guy.  Tests came back and they diagnosed him with quite a concoction of illnesses.  Flu, croup (crazy at his age), bronchitis, and pneumonia.  He was still on Tamiflu but he also got a steroid, an antibiotic, and an inhaler to help him kick all the sickness going on in his body.

I seemed to kick the flu but then I got a horrible sinus infection.  It was horribly painful so I got to the dr and got an antibiotic and a nasal spray.  Whew!  Can we just be done with sickness for awhile?

Through all this and trying to take care of everything while being sick we have been so blessed with wonderful friends, neighbors, and ward members helping us out.  All of their small acts of service were such a blessing and I am so grateful for everyone who came rushing in to help.  We had bags of groceries brought to our door.  So many dinner meals and enough for leftovers for lunches that I didn't have to make anything the whole time we were really sick.  We had men in our ward come give all of us a priesthood blessing.  Some women cleaned my kitchen and some took home our dirty clothes and did laundry.  Like I said...BLESSED!  There are so many wonderful people in my life it makes the hard times easier.  Now I just need to pay it forward!

Memphis had his last Basketball game of this season.  He didn't get to play in the last game because he was still on all his medications and had no energy or breath to play but I am so proud of how much he improved over the two months.  He said he had so much fun and wants to play again next year.  Way to go Memphis!

March so far has been a little bit better.  Can't wait for warmer spring weather and spring break!